


But You'll Carry Me So Gently

by CitrineGator



Category: HLVRAI - (Fandom), Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Depression, Gordon's convinced nobody cares about him, Gordon's got a gun, Hugs, Near Suicidal Actions, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, but hes wrong, hurt/ comfort, me projecting heavily, sorry in advance, suicidal idealization, talking it out, this is a vent fic, unhealthy coping mechanisims, ur choice really, you could read this as beginnings of frenreylatta but also qp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:16:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28605093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CitrineGator/pseuds/CitrineGator
Summary: Gordon's been alone with his thoughts for far too long with too little outside input and it's gotten to him.
Relationships: (if u wanna read it that way), Benrey & Gordon Freeman, Benrey & Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, frenreylatta
Comments: 16
Kudos: 77





	But You'll Carry Me So Gently

**Author's Note:**

> its been a long ass time since ive actually been able to write something and ive been Going Through It up until recently so! hopefully that will change but. here's a culmination of all my thoughts from a while back that i just cleaned up recently.  
> TW Gordon is suicidal and gets some help  
> (Please please PLEASE do not read this fic if u are in a bad state of mind. *picture me in ur room shaking ur shoulders gently and telling u not to okay*)  
> (Also!! hit me up if anything else needs to be tagged. m tired and i put down the general stuff i know needed to be there but idk if anything else needs to be marked down as well)

Resting his untrimmed chin down against the cool metal, Gordon let his eyes slip shut for an undeterminable moment, his finger toggling the safety of the pistol between on and off. Coming out of Black Mesa did have its perks he supposed; it let him keep the blunt little weapon, now positioned just under his jaw as he tried to think through his ever-constant haze of static. 

He knew how to fire a gun even before the Resonance Cascade, the memory was faded now, but he’d definitely taken some sort of hunter’s safety as a teenager at some point. He hadn’t ever had a reason to have a gun of his own despite his father’s multiple assurances that he should, back when they’d still been on speaking terms. But at least now he had one, even if it was only for this. The knowledge he’d gotten in that class was probably one of the only reasons he’d even _managed_ to survive the Cascade. That and the rest of The Science Team saving his ass over and over. Gordon would have preferably avoided the whole thing altogether, but it probably would have just been prolonging the inevitable for him anyway, so it did give him this. And that was… Something. 

At least the whole Resonance Cascade at least gave him a reason for the pistol. His finger stilled on the safety as Gordon’s features tightened almost imperceptibly. It’d been a few months since then, and he still hadn’t managed to get out of the spiral he’d been on ever since leaving that fucking building. The Science Team popped by every once in a while, just to say hello in their varying degrees of enthusiasm. 

It felt a lot like pity with the way their too-sharp gazes would flick over the increasing disrepair of his apartment. Even _Benrey_ had come with a few times. They’d apparently been living at Tommy’s house ever since they’d managed to respawn, which wasn’t too outlandish of a concept after Gordon had thought about it for a bit. Nothing they’d ever done before had kept Benrey dead, and that whole final boss fight had felt more for show than anything. They’d stumbled through what seemed to be as close to a heartfelt apology as they could get; most of it had been about his arm because apparently Benrey _had_ just assumed it was going to grow back. Which it sort of had, given Gman’s help after beating Benrey, he’d oh so _gratefully_ given Gordon’s arm back to him. 

So, Gordon forgave Benrey as best he could, given the circumstances, and offered them an apology up in return for having killed them multiple times over. They hadn’t even waited a beat after showing up at his house for the first time with Tommy to immediately poke fun at the obvious absence of Gordon’s alleged son Joshua, who hadn’t existed in the first place. Gordon had finally removed a family photo from the frame in his locker and had forgotten to take the stock photo out from behind and had to bullshit why he’d left it in there on the spot. He wasn’t _proud_ of the shitty lie, but it wasn’t the reason he was here. 

They all had managed to move on with their lives. Violence had never seemed to plague Dr. Coomer, and he seemed to be getting on well enough in his life. For having never fired a gun before and being the crack-shot he was, Tommy looked to be moving on fine too. Gordon had brought up the Resonance Cascade with him once, but the most he’d divulged about it was that he was glad it had brought them all together, but he didn’t enjoy it. Which seemed like it’d have been more of a common theme among their group given all that they’d lived through, but no. Bubby had expressed _multiple_ times how they’d like to try it again to get through it faster, and Dr. Coomer had said something similar that Gordon might have paid attention to had he not been reeling from the absurdity of Bubby’s words. Benrey was a capricious variable when asked about their journey through Black Mesa because, while they _were_ sorry for the things they’d done there, and had said they didn’t want to do a re-do of the Cascade; Benrey had still mumbled something about maybe wishing they could have played some games with their buddies there that Gordon was _still_ pretty sure weren’t real. 

Tommy had started working at some doggy-daycare place not too far from Gordon’s apartment, and Dr. Coomer and Bubby were back to working in some nondescript lab again. Just the idea of hopping back into a job sent a wave of sickness through Gordon, making him clutch the bumpy handle of the pistol a little harder. Reminding him of the unyielding, steel muzzle pressed up against the underside of his jaw. He didn’t think Benrey had taken up a job either, but they also got to crash at Tommy’s place for free. Meanwhile, Gordon had bills to pay that were becoming harder and harder to find the money for, with the good sum of hush money Gman had given him at the Chuck E Cheese now dwindling. 

Squinting out at the light that flooded through his shuttered blinds, Gordon flicked the safety on and off a few more times to draw his attention away from the hollow aching in his chest. It’d become a constant and unwavering presence for the past few months that’d only helped to decrease the amount of sleep he was getting and add to the number of dishes in his sink. Plus, it really boosted the general disarray of his whole apartment. His bedroom was in the worst state out of all the rooms. With papers and empty bags strewn around his carpeted floor along with unwashed clothes and what was had probably a good portion of his Pokémon card collection, which he’d decided to take out and spread all over his floor for some godawful reason. He hoped at least some of them kept their re-sale value after he kicked it. Maybe he’d become a ghost and haunt his Pokémon card collection that was bound to either be tossed into a thrift store, or Benrey would somehow get their paws on them and take them before they could be confiscated as like… Evidence or something. 

Gordon blinked as a dying ray of sun shifted just right to hit him directly in the eye. Sniffing, he leaned back and rubbed at his face distantly, feeling as unbidden tears welled in his eyes. Everyone had managed to move on so well, so why couldn’t he just fucking get on with it? The Science Team didn’t need Gordon dragging them down with the bullshit he’d been dealing with since his teens. It’d never gotten to this point before, but he definitely remembered darker nights where he’d seriously considered it before. Leaning against the side of his bed and pulling at his hair as he’d tried to muffle his sobs from his sleeping family. 

Schooling his expression back to something flat and steely to push the memory away, he shifted his seat of the lip of his bed slightly. Dropping his jaw back onto the muzzle of the pistol, his thumb tapping idly along the barrel as the empty feeling returned along with the painfully familiar look on his face. His head swam with fuzz and distant exhaustion that had been pulling at his limbs over too many nights of too little sleep and way too many unspoken thoughts. 

Everyone would be better off without him. He was just holding them all back. They wouldn’t have to keep coming by and ask him how he was doing every week, and they could finally leave the Resonance Cascade behind them once and for all. He was just a living reminder of what they’d all had to go through, so he’d be better off gone anyway. 

Gordon wondered how long it’d even take them all to figure out he was gone in the first place. 

The Science Team hadn’t taken death very seriously during the Resonance Cascade, so he doubted that they would now either. Tommy hadn’t enjoyed the violence, but he’d also looked down the sights of a gun at him more than once, so it wouldn’t surprise Gordon entirely if Tommy had wanted him gone from the beginning as well. He hadn’t exactly been _nice_ to Tommy throughout their trek through Black Mesa. And technically, they all had their reasons to hate him. He’d been nothing but rude to Tommy the entire Cascade, he’d heavily debated abandoning Bubby in that tube when the guy had been obviously having some sort of panic attack about being in there again, and he’d apparently inspired enough existentialism into Dr. Coomer to have him want Gordon dead. Not even _mentioning_ Benrey, who they’d all straight up killed. 

But somehow, the reassurance that they wouldn’t care when he was gone wasn’t as much of a load off his shoulders as he’d assumed it would be. 

Because… It was _better_ this way, wasn’t it? Gordon didn’t have people who’d miss him when he was gone, so it minimized the damage he’d do. Maybe his landlord would have a hard time fixing up his room to be presentable again, but he also didn’t particularly care because _fuck_ that vindictive guy; cheap ass motherfucker who couldn’t even bother to have anybody’s sinks installed the right way the first time. So he’d leave behind a whole lot of nothing in his wake, which was honestly… Kind of disappointing. Sure, he had the note tying up any possible loose ends that he’d left on his bedside table and his long-ass thesis he’d written in college; which was the thing that had him get hired into Black Mesa in the first place, but it all felt like a bunch of meaningless shit now. 

He was just… Gordon Freeman. 

A man who wouldn’t have left any mark on the world. 

Gordon almost misfired at the sudden knock coming from his front door. Hastily clicking the safety back on and shoving the pistol under the covers on his bed, he nudged his glasses up to quickly rub at his eyes. He probably looked like a wreck, but it was whatever, he could send whoever was at his door away and… Get back to sitting in his bedroom. 

Swallowing thickly, Gordon dragged his feet over the floor as he trudged out to his living room, making a halfhearted mumble of ‘I’m coming’ as whoever was on the other side knocked again. Unlocking the door with trembling hands, Gordon pulled the flimsy wood open, blinking a few times at who was on the other side. 

Benrey had their hands shoved into the pockets of their thick hoodie, and their usual beanie pulled down so low it was nearly covering their dark eyebrows. Gordon felt the familiar bubbles of annoyance rising up in his chest at just the sight of the other person. Still, it was quickly quelled by the overwhelmingly desolate feeling that flooded his insides. 

“What do you need Benrey,” Fuck, he sounded more like _Benrey_ than himself with the empty inflection in his voice. Fatigue practically radiated off of him like some fucked up space heater, but he couldn’t summon the energy to at least try to shake it off so he could shoo Benrey away. 

Benrey didn’t seem to notice though, and just shrugged, “Can’t a dude just stop by to see their friend?” 

Gordon wanted to get angry. He wanted to yell at Benrey for them to go away, but instead, he just pulled the door open wider for Benrey to walk on in. He didn’t miss the way their yellowed eyes swept over his darkened apartment, but luckily, they quickly settled down onto his couch unprompted, pulling a Switch out of their pocket and booted it up. 

“Did Tommy not come with you?” 

“Nope,” Benrey said, popping the ‘p’ and keeping their eyes on the screen. 

Sighing, Gordon resigned himself to the situation and took his Switch out from the cabinet his TV stood on. Sitting down onto the opposite side of the couch, Gordon idly peered over at Benrey’s screen as his own Switch powered on. It looked like the newest Pokémon game that had come out some time ago. Which, from what Gordon knew, wasn’t a multiplayer game, but he opened up his own game of the same generation and started back up from where he’d left off. He’d only managed to clear the fourth gym, so most of his concentration was set to playing and not actually talking with Benrey. Which was probably a bad thing, just him being a poor host and practically ignoring Benrey, even though they were in the same room together. But occasionally, they’d murmur a pointer or something vaguely positive as they peered over his shoulder every once in a while. 

Gordon could hardly summon the strength to do much more than mumble a quiet noise of thanks or acknowledgment, but it was almost enjoyable. It didn’t completely take away that feeling of vacancy in his heart, not by a long shot, but he didn’t mind their presence as much as he’d initially expected either. 

He managed to get to the next gym before he began to finally feel a heavy sense of exhaustion tugging at the corners of his mind. And checking the time, Gordon figured he could probably stay up for a little while longer despite the weight that was pulling on his eyelids, which only got heavier by the minute. Plus, he really didn’t have the heart to send Benrey away just yet. It sent another painful pang through him at the thought of being the one keeping Benrey here just because he didn’t want them to go just yet, like he was some kid still. But a sleepy part of his mind reminded him that he probably couldn’t keep Benrey anywhere they didn’t want to be in the first place, so it was probably fine. 

It became increasingly apparent as the minutes passed that he was _not_ going to stay awake for much longer. Gordon didn’t know why Benrey’s presence was finally reminding his body that, oh yeah, he was fucking _exhausted_ , but he wasn’t about to complain. Even if that peace of mind had come from some alien, he’d been intent on killing not too many months ago. 

Benrey finally seemed to take notice of him, half-asleep on the other side of the couch, and instead of doing the _respectful_ thing of letting him sleep for the first time in a good while, they nudged his shoulder, jolting him back awake. 

“Yo, you a uh, sleepy or something? Want me to head out?” 

Gordon made a noncommittal, sleep-hazy grumble as he batted Benrey’s still outstretched hand away. Saving his progress on his Switch and placing it down onto the couch next to him, Gordon struggled to his feet, almost immediately falling back onto his ass with a grunt, “God, _fuck_ , I don’t- can you help me up man? My body’s not cooperating right now.” 

Instead of tossing him one of their usual jabs, Benrey carefully slid off the side of the couch they’d claimed as their own and gingerly took Gordon’s hands into theirs. Benrey helped him to his feet and murmured something about being clumsy that Gordon couldn’t quite hear over the thrumming in his temples. Helping him shuffle down the hall, Benrey lead him into his mess of a bedroom and unceremoniously let Gordon dump himself back onto his bed. He cringed at the way the pistol dug into his side and fished out the gun from beneath the sheets. Dazedly passing it to Benrey, who was still standing at his bedside for some fucking reason, Gordon let his head thump against his pillow. 

Not paying them any more mind, Gordon huffed and slipped under the covers, still fully clothed but not really bothered by the sensation because he was finally fucking _truly_ tired for the first time in weeks. Mumbling what could barely be quantified as some sort of goodnight, Gordon closed his eyelids and let sleep _finally_ take him into its waiting grasp. 

. . . 

Gordon woke to the soft sound of talking from somewhere in his apartment. Jolting upright, his hand immediately went grasping for the pistol he’d been keeping on his nightstand in the case of an intruder but came up empty. His stomach hollowed out as he threw a fervent glance to where the weapon should have been positioned, remembering that he’d handed it over to Benrey like a fucking _idiot_ last night. He was seconds away from wondering what he would do about whoever was in his house now that he was unarmed before he noticed the note there was gone too. 

And then it clicked for him. 

_Fuck_. 

He stared at the spot where his hand was resting on the nightstand, his fingers drumming absently against the prominent grain of the wood. He’d just passed the fuck out after handing Benrey a whole ass _gun_ and left the dude in his room with the note he’d written with his last fucking farewells on it. _God-damn it_. He was such a fucking _idiot_. His body had got just enough relaxation from that one ounce of positive interaction and had taken it as some cue to immediately fall asleep in the same room as the person he’d literally killed months before. This had to be some sort of fucking revenge tactic because it definitely sounded like there was more than one person out there, and he was going to have to _explain_ all the shit to them. 

Furious tears pricked his eyes as he turned his gaze toward his closed door, anger filling up the empty hole in his chest as he flipped the covers off his body with a toss of his arm. He was still in the same clothes as the day before, but it didn’t _fucking_ matter because Benrey had _absolutely_ gone out of their way to start antagonizing him _again_. But holding _this_ over his head was going _too_ fucking far. They should have just minded their own business and walked out of his apartment like they were supposed to. 

Pushing down the bile that was rising in his throat, Gordon crept from his bed and cracked his door open, his hearing straining to make out the words in his living-room. The first voice sounded almost like… Tommy? Fuck, and there was Benrey too, their muted tone drifting lazily through the air and wrapping around him in a vice grip that had him suddenly seeing red again. 

Easing his door open, Gordon’s eyes locked onto the back of Benrey’s head, still wearing the same ratty beanie, but they were on _his_ couch. Almost as if they’d sensed his presence, they cast a wide-eyed glance back over their shoulder at him. Their pupils were blown so full that they consumed their eyes in an inky black, only leaving a sliver of golden yellow around the edges. Gordon’s mouth immediately went dry at the sight of them, the coals of anger cooling in his belly as their mini staring contest continued. 

Finally though, Benrey moved, standing up from his couch, and almost instinctually, Gordon stumbled back away from them, barely registering the pained look on their face as his back thumped against his doorframe. Slow footsteps from his kitchen alerted him to someone else’s presence, and Gordon threw a wild-eyed glance to Tommy, pausing at the threshold of his hallway leading down to his bedroom. 

The older scientist’s bright eyes almost seemed to glow in the semi-darkness of the corridor as he took a hesitant step toward Gordon. And seeing as he didn’t lunge back into the relative safety of his bedroom, Tommy took it as a go-ahead to cautiously pad down the hallway toward him. Tommy made almost no sound in his tense approach, padding forward like he was trying to calm some spooked animal. And in some way, Gordon guessed he was. 

Pausing just ahead of him, Tommy’s hands fidgeted at his side as he quietly worked out what he was trying to say, “Can- is it okay if- if I hug you?” 

Gordon had barely ground out a nod before the older scientist was pitching forward and wrapping him up in a tight and desperate embrace. For being nearly rail-thin, he had a strong hold as Gordon worked his arms out from his grasp to wrap them around Tommy as well. It felt like an empty gesture on Gordon’s end, just trying to return whatever comfort Tommy was apparently trying to instill in him. But as his shaking hands gingerly locked around the taller man’s back, Gordon felt Tommy start trembling into his shoulder. 

“I’m- I’m glad you’re here Mr. Freeman.” 

Gordon pressed his forehead down against the crook of Tommy’s shoulder, noticing with a frown as Tommy’s fingers pulled slightly at the back of his shirt. Because _fuck_ , he hadn’t wanted Tommy to _cry_ over him. Fucking Benrey should have just… Minded their own business and walked away. 

He didn’t make any move to pull away from Tommy though. 

Gordon felt another someone else pause just off to his left, and slowly, Gordon turned his head to look in that direction, already knowing who’d be there. Benrey was watching them both with wide, teary eyes, one of the strongest expressions Gordon had seen on their face since Xen. But before he was able to decide on what to do, Benrey lunged forward to wrap both him and Tommy up in their grasp as well. Benrey arms definitely didn’t reach all the way around them, but the sentiment wasn’t lost on Gordon. They probably could have just grown their arms out with some body-horror bullshit, but instead, they just pressed their face against the side of his chest with a shaky little exhale. 

Turning his head back to face Tommy’s bony shoulder, Gordon squeezed his eyes shut and let out a raspy laugh, “You didn’t- I don’t _get_ it. Why are you guys still here?” 

Benrey’s arm tightened from where they had a hold around his waist, a low thrum of sweet voice burbling forth from their mouth. Gordon couldn’t see whatever the color was supposed to be from how their face was pressed up against his body, but it didn’t sound anything like the lighthearted, taunting little beeps he’d heard in Black Mesa or the roaring reds and blacks he’d seen on Xen. Something new altogether that immediately had Gordon feeling even more guilty than he already was. 

If Tommy knew whatever it meant, he didn’t seem to be jumping to decipher it and instead carefully unwound his arms from around Gordon’s back and fixed him with a teary stare, “Friends help each other when they need it Mr. Freeman.” 

Gordon quickly looked away from Tommy’s pleading stare. Because he- he’d basically convinced himself that they _weren’t_ friends. Sure, they’d all survived the apocalypse together, but it didn’t _mean_ anything. If Gordon were them, he would have been getting away from himself as fast as he could, slipping out of touch and choosing to disconnect over time. And with all he’d said and done, Gordon couldn’t have blamed them if that’s what they’d decided to do. So hearing it from Tommy- the person he trusted out of The Science Team the _most_ , that they were still friends? It made Gordon’s stomach churn with nausea. 

Tommy didn’t seem bothered by his prolonged silence and instead guided him and Benrey, who’d chosen to attach themself to Gordon’s side with a death grip, out to Gordon’s couch. Benrey practically curled into Gordon’s lap as soon as he’d gotten seated, somehow still managing to keep their hold around his waist despite the position they’d contorted themselves into. Tommy gingerly sat himself down on Gordon’s right, immediately grabbing ahold of Gordon’s hand with a surprisingly firm grip. 

“Gordon, we- we care about you. I don’t- we may not all show it the same way, but I _promise_ you Mr. Freeman, we want you here. We care about you and want you to be okay, alright? And- and when your friend is hurting, you-” Tommy sniffed, a new onset of tears running down his face that he didn’t bother to rub away, “When your friend is hurting, you help them because you love them and don’t want them to feel that way on their own. We- we want to help you and make sure you’re okay.” 

Gordon bit his lip as he tapped away at the side of his knee, “I didn’t want you to see any of it. You were all getting better, and I’ve- I’ve been dealing with this for a long time and didn’t need to get you guys involved,” Gordon swallowed sharply as a stinging wave of tears built in his eyes, “Nobody should have seen. It would have been _fine_ because you wouldn’t have had to deal with _me_ anymore, and you all could have moved on.” 

“Mr. Freeman, we- _none_ of us have moved on from Black Mesa. We all- we all dealt with so m- many things there that no one should ever have to live through. The- the things you’re going through, you- you don’t have to deal with them alone, alright? Everybody is- is dealing with it in different ways but… We all want to be here for you. We all _want_ you here.” 

Drawing in a breath that rattled around in his chest like a wounded bird, Gordon balled his hands into fists over his knees, trying to ignore how Benrey’s arms tightened around his middle _almost_ comfortingly at the movement. Because he still couldn’t really bring himself to believe that what Tommy was saying. He- he wasn’t a good person. He didn’t _deserve_ anyone to want him here. But here Tommy and Benrey did anyway, a gentile hand with long slender fingers interlaced with his own and two tight arms wrapped around him in a reassuring hold. 

The tears that’d been building in his eyes for so long finally spilled down over his face as he leaned into the two holds on him, selfishly pulling Tommy closer to his curled over form as he buried his face in the crook of Benrey’s neck. He was hyperaware of the sensation of the scruff of his beard partially rubbing against Benrey’s skin but couldn’t bring himself to care as Tommy twined his arms around his back and chest as he sobbed. Every gasp felt painful and cutting, but with each motion of Tommy’s hands rubbing in tiny circular movements over his back, he felt the stinging in his lungs start to subside. 

Catching his breath in the small space between his face and Benrey’s chest Gordon tentatively pulled his hand from Tommy’s own to palm at his eyes, the other having curled tightly into the fabric of the back on the back of Benrey’s hoodie, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you guys have to be here an- and deal with me.” 

Benrey shook their head vehemently above his, their chin brushing just over his ponytail, “Chose to be here bro. Ain’t- m’ not gonna just leave my best bud. Care bout’ you.” 

Pulling his face back from where he’d uncomfortably shoved it into Benrey’s neck, Gordon put a little more force into rubbing at his eyes, so he didn’t have to meet either of their stares, “I didn’t… I didn’t really think you guys did. I mean- you wouldn’t have stayed, so I know now, but,” Gordon sniffed, finally retracting his hand from off Benrey’s back and pinning both his palms between his knees, “Sorry, I guess. Could uhm… Could we not tell Bubby and Coomer about this? I- I’m going to- to try to get… Better.” 

Tommy shook his head to Gordon’s surprise, his stare apologetic but absolutely resolute in his decision, “I- It wouldn’t be fair to them Mr. Freeman. They’re your friends too. You can’t just- you can’t leave them out of this. Especially if they- if they’re part of why,” Tommy’s tone became a little apprehensive as he shifted his position on the couch next to Gordon, “Plus I uhm… I called them already. I didn’t! I didn’t tell them everything. You’ll have to do that when you’re ready Mr. Freeman but, I- we all want you to be able to be okay.” 

Gordon pursed his lips against the hollow ache of frustration at the words. It made sense. Reasonably, he couldn’t have _not_ told them about it, but he didn’t want anybody walking on eggshells around him either. He just wanted to be _better_ without having to actually go through the process of having to heal. 

“Alright,” he conceded mutedly, hesitantly moving one hand around Benrey again and winding his other with Tommy’s, “I- I can try.” 

He knew it wasn’t for himself yet. He was still going to be leaning on everyone around him for support before he could get to that point. And there was still that yawning abyss that sat beneath the surface of his skin, threatening to pull him under once more. But with the soft sound of Benrey’s sweet voice twining around them all and Tommy easing him back and further into his chest so he could better thread his hands through Gordon’s loose hair, the tiniest bloom of hope budded up in his heart. 

Hope that one day he _could_ want to get better for his own ambitions. 

But for now, Gordon relaxed further into the two pairs of arms wrapped around him. Letting his still teary eyelashes flutter closed at the tender melody gliding through the room and the sensation of deft hands working through his unruly hair.

**Author's Note:**

> ive never just. written a one-shot before? and its making me so nervous for no reason like. wow. really feeling the need to continue this to have an ending where it isn't just Gordon being sad but hoping to get better? idk. i probably wont come back to this for my own good but. yeah; had to get this out.  
> anyway! sorry for angsting on main! i will hopefully get back to writing my other fics soon, but as i said befo. ive been struggling a bit so it might be another week or so. who knows! either way, hope u enjoyed!


End file.
